Lord give me strength as I go where my heart is not. Fill the void left when I leave my heart behind and go where I know I’m not called but where I must go during this season. Make bold the memories I take with me and bring me back safely to the place where my heart stays. Amen.
This is my prayer every day when I must leave my baby behind and go off to the cold lines and heartless spaces of a building where work is done. Work that is worthy, work that is necessary but work that I know is not my calling. Work that to mean seems more and more in vain. Anyone can do this job. This is not a special job, many have done it before me and many will do it after me. They tell me I’m valuable and I’m an asset to the company. This is nice to hear and a small part of me is glad that I’m valued and “needed.”
How much more though am I needed at the little white house on Cranberry Rd? How much more valuable is my time there? I cannot be replaced at that job. Work that is not meant for anyone…work that is meant for me. Work that includes speaking into the life of my son, creating a pleasing and comforting environment for my husband who works hard for us.
Even when I “go to work at home” as I call it I still have a void left wherever my son is. I’m upstairs; he is down. I’m on conference calls; he’s learning to build block towers. I’m reviewing profit and loss statements; he’s gazing out the window at birds and chickens and I m missing it.
A little piece of my heart is wherever my son is; as is a little part of my mind. Imagining his awe and his wonder as he watches “Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal” eat at the feeder or the smile on his face when he gets that next block on top without making the tower fall over. Or today while him and daddy are at Cabela’s…..that .look of wonder as he sees all the animals and the fish and see the big boats. My mind cannot fully be at work; my heart not fully on my 9-5 when my real calling tugs at me every hour.
So, Lord give me strength as I go where my heart is not. Fill the void left when I leave my heart behind and go where I know I’m not called but where I must go during this season. Make bold the memories I take with me and bring me back safely to the place where my heart stays. Amen.
Until next time,
This post shared at Women Living Well Wendnesdays.